Coercive Control: Love, Care, or Control?
Many people who use coercive control may genuinely believe they are acting out of “love” or care. They often rationalise their behaviour as protective or see their control as a way to keep the relationship “safe.” This confusion between care and control often stems from a lack of awareness about healthy relationships. It may also be shaped by cultural or family influences.
Understanding these justifications is essential for both victims and those who use coercive control. It helps highlight the need to redefine boundaries and rethink what “love” truly means.
At Family Violence Mindset Solutions, our Coercive Control Course explores how distorted ideas of love can lead to harmful behaviour. The course helps individuals recognise that control is not care, but a form of abuse.
How Abusers Justify Coercive Control as Care
Viewing Control as Protection – Some believe they are keeping their partner safe by restricting them. They think they know what’s best.
Confusing Possessiveness with Love – Jealousy or controlling behaviour may be seen as a sign of deep emotional investment.
Fear of Losing the Relationship – Abusers may limit their partner’s independence because they fear abandonment.
Normalising Past Experiences – People who witnessed or experienced control in past relationships may see it as normal.
Overlooking Boundaries – A lack of understanding about personal boundaries can lead to actions that limit autonomy, even when disguised as care.
Building Awareness of Healthy Love and Care
Recognising the difference between love and control is a crucial first step toward change. True care respects freedom and fosters safety—not fear. Our course provides practical tools to help individuals reflect on their behaviours and learn new ways to connect.
Family Violence Mindset Solutions is here to support your growth.
Contact us to learn more about our programs or start your journey toward respectful, healthy relationships.