Coercive Control: Love, Care, or Control?
Many abusers who use coercive control may genuinely believe they are acting out of “love” or care. They may rationalise their actions as protective or see their control as a way to keep the relationship “safe.” This confusion between control and care can stem from a lack of awareness about healthy relationships, as well as from cultural or familial influences. Understanding this rationalisation is essential for victims and abusers alike, as it highlights the need to redefine healthy boundaries and what meaning the abuser attaches to the word “love”.
Our Family Violence Mindset Solutions Coercive Control Course offers insights into how perceived love or care can distort behaviour, helping individuals recognise control as harmful.
How Abusers Justify Coercive Control as Care
- Viewing Control as Protection – Abusers may see their restrictions as “protecting” their partner from harm, thinking they know what’s best.
- Believing in Possessiveness as Love – Some equate jealousy or possessiveness with deep love, confusing control with emotional investment.
- Fearing Loss of Relationship – Out of fear of abandonment, abusers may attempt to keep the relationship close by limiting their partner’s independence.
- Normalising Control from Past Experiences – Those exposed to coercive control in previous relationships or family dynamics may see it as a normal part of care.
- Overlooking Boundaries – Lacking awareness of boundaries, abusers may disregard their partner’s autonomy, seeing it as insignificant in comparison to their “”
Our course provides tools for identifying and addressing these justifications, supporting individuals in understanding that real care is respectful and non-restrictive. Learn more about recognising healthy expressions of care.
Building Awareness of Healthy Love and Care
Understanding the distinction between control and care is essential. Family Violence Mindset Solutions offers resources to foster respect, empathy, and independence in relationships. Contact us for support.