Understanding Unintentional Coercive Control

Coercive control is often viewed as deliberate, calculated, and malicious. While this is sometimes true, it’s not the full picture. Understanding unintentional coercive control reveals a more complex truth: some controlling behaviours happen without conscious intent to harm. They can stem from fear, anxiety, past trauma, or deeply ingrained beliefs about relationships and roles.

This course explores how coercive control can appear in subtle, everyday interactions—even when the person exerting control believes they are acting out of love, protection, or responsibility. From excessive check-ins to decision-making dominance or emotional manipulation, these behaviours can erode another person’s autonomy over time, whether intended or not.

Many individuals engaging in unintentional control may not recognise the harm they’re causing until the dynamic is pointed out. On the other side, victims may struggle to validate their experience because there’s no visible “abuser.” This creates confusion, guilt, and silence for both parties.

Some people may use coercive tactics without realising the harm they’re causing, especially if they learned such behaviours from family or cultural norms. For example, unintentional coercive control may manifest as overprotectiveness, restriction in the name of “safety,” or a misguided belief in “helping.” Therefore, recognising unintentional coercive control is essential for fostering respectful relationships and healthy boundaries.

At Family Violence Mindset Solutions, our Coercive Control Course explores how to identify and correct these behaviours. As a result, individuals can increase their self-awareness and develop healthier, more respectful relationships.

How Unintentional Coercive Control Manifests

Insecurity and Attachment Issues
Partners may act overly protective out of insecurity. Consequently, they may unintentionally create emotional or physical dependence.
Cultural and Familial Norms
Some behaviours are normalised within families or cultural contexts. In turn, this causes people to overlook the controlling nature of their actions.
Misguided Help or Protection
“Protective” behaviours, although well-intended, can sometimes limit freedom. Even if the intent is to help, the outcome can still be harmful.
Difficulty with Boundaries
Some individuals struggle to respect another person’s autonomy. Without realising it, they may cross boundaries and limit personal freedom.

Tools for Self-Awareness and Change

Ultimately, self-awareness is key to building positive, healthy dynamics. Our course offers practical guidance on fostering non-coercive interactions through conscious behaviour change and mutual respect.

At Family Violence Mindset Solutions, we provide accessible tools to help individuals recognise and adjust unintentional control patterns. To learn more, explore our resources or contact us for support in creating balanced, empowering relationships.