Why Victims Defend Their Abuser’s Actions
Victims of coercive control often find themselves defending the abuser’s behaviour, even if they’re being harmed. This defence may arise from fear, manipulation, or a deep emotional connection to the abuser. Over time, abusers use tactics like gaslighting and emotional manipulation to make victims question their perception of reality, sometimes even blaming themselves. Defending the abuser’s actions becomes a coping mechanism, as victims rationalise or minimise the abuse to maintain a sense of normalcy.
Our Family Violence Mindset Solutions Coercive Control Course helps survivors understand why they might feel compelled to defend abusive behaviour and provides tools to help them see the situation more clearly.
Reasons Victims Defend Their Abusers
- Emotional Manipulation – Abusers use guilt and blame, making victims feel responsible for the abuse, leading them to justify the behaviour.
- Fear of Retaliation – Victims may fear worsening abuse if they criticise or speak out against the abuser.
- Self-Blame – Gaslighting and manipulation lead victims to believe the abuse is their fault, rationalising the abuser’s actions as deserved.
- Attachment and Love – Strong emotional ties make victims want to believe the best about their partner, defending them to maintain that image.
- Hope for Change – Many victims defend the abuser’s behaviour because they hope the abuse will stop and the person they fell in love with will return, if they remain loyal or make changes.
Our course helps individuals understand these complex dynamics, enabling them to recognise and overcome the tendency to defend harmful behaviour. Explore our resources for guidance on seeing coercive control more objectively.
Empowering Victims to Break the Cycle
Breaking free from defending harmful behaviours is a significant step in reclaiming self-worth. Family Violence Mindset Solutions offers insights and support for victims seeking clarity and empowerment. Contact us for resources on understanding coercive control.